If I knew what it was I actually wanted, I'd tell you. Heck, I'd tell me! I have a few ideas, but each is layered in its complexities on how they would actually be carried out. I suppose the uncertainty of the future is part of what actually makes the process of living a challenge. Whether that challenge is embraced or resisted is another matter. I know living is what I want to do. It's just a matter of how I actually do it.
During this odd transitional stage of life, going from an undergraduate school to a graduate school, moving from my hometown to an apartment far from home, turning 21 in under a month, I can't help but wonder, "Am I going in the right direction?" Am I neglecting aspects of my life for other desirable aspects? Are these choices sound? There comes a point where you or I could torture ourselves on the legitimacy or efficacy of our choices. I wouldn't question the usefulness of self-examination. If life continues, it's worth examining the past for insight. However, there does come a point where one must choose a course and see it through.
I have heard it frequently said that time is not guaranteed and that we need to live as though tomorrow will never come. I like the sound of it, but it simultaneously disturbs me. I can't possibly do everything I want to do in a day. Such a task would cause me great anxiety. While I suppose the spirit of the idea of "live like there is no tomorrow" is that we do what it is we really want to do and identify what it is we really want in life.
Well, in response I have to say that hardly seems fair! Am I supposed to pick one thing? What if I love more than one thing? Take for example my move to graduate school. I happen to love my family very much. Life in New Jersey is pretty good. Yet, I also love the idea of pursuing higher education in psychology and theology. However, to do this effectively, I need to move across the United States. If I live like there's no tomorrow, I would surely stay at home. What purpose would study of psychology and theology serve if I could never use it the next day (assuming tomorrow never came)? Instead, I would be able to enjoy my last moments with the family I love. If I lived like there was no tomorrow, I would have shown by my action that I chose graduate school over my family. However, the very fact that I will choose to leave the family I love to go across the country for six years is contingent on the fact that I also live for tomorrow. Again, why would I bother in the toil of educating myself if tomorrow will never come?
If I lived as though tomorrow never came, my action to go to graduate school would show rejection to my family of origin. Luckily, love is not restricted to temporal 24 hour segments. It reaches over time and regions. Our actions are limited by time and space, meaning choices will have to be made on how we express love. Therefore, while I must live with a hope for tomorrow, I choose to love like there's no tomorrow. While I can't hug my mom in the morning when I see her while I'm studying in California, I can call her and tell her I love her. If by some unfortunate circumstance, I lost my mother, sadness would overwhelm me, but I would know that I loved her like there was no tomorrow.
I can't stay at home because I have to live like there's not tomorrow. I have to keep moving. And so do you. I'm not sure what choices to make and I wouldn't dare to presume they are easy. But nonetheless, they are choices you do have to make. Because of the limitations of time and space, no choice can actually be perfect. We choose the best we can, and live from there. But we must continue to love. When I wrote in my journal earlier today, I was struck by the words of King Solomon from c.935BC in Ecclesiastes 3:1-15. It's amazes me how his wisdom and Godly insight still speaks to me. I hope they speak to you too. This translation comes from the NIV.
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.
May you be blessed in the time God has given you. Live like there is a tomorrow, but love like there is no tomorrow.
