He Will Be Our Peace

This year, I was asked to give a Wednesday night teaching related to Christmas. I was struck by how churches will mention how there were prophecies about Jesus, but don't often speak much about those prophecies. I took the opportunity to give a Christmas message from the Book of Micah and gave a survey of the history and literary structure of the book and how it points to the coming hope in Jesus. The message concludes with a question--do we who have witnessed this fulfilled prophecy have the hope that Micah had, even in his troubled time? The handout for this lesson is available here and the link for the recording of the lesson is available here. If you would rather stream the audio than download it, click here to be taken to YouTube. There is no video of the message, but rather a picture as a background for the audio recording.

Please feel free to leave comments below or tweet at me @krkurian. Merry Christmas! He will be our peace!

EndNote APA 6th Corrected Citation File

And now for something different for my graduate school colleagues (and undergrads if you use this

too): a corrected APA 6^th Citation File for EndNote. If you’re unfamiliar with EndNote, it’s program that’s rather helpful in keeping your sources organized. If you use EBSCOhost, EndNote can save you the extra step of having to type in your references manually. This feature is improved with the use of EndNote Web. When you put this together with their Cite While You Write feature, you have a pretty powerful application that will save you time and keep you organized all the way to the point of submitting your paper. Discussing these features is beyond the scope of this blogpost, but if you want to learn how to use them, I refer you to EndNote’s YouTube page. It can take some time to learn, so I’d recommend learning some of these features before your due date is the next morning.

For my Ph.D. program, I use APA 6^th Edition citations for my papers and research in worship and psychology. I’ve noticed that EndNote was making mistakes in its citations such as putting an issue number in the citation, putting references in all caps, and not capitalizing the first word of a subtitle after a colon. These might seem little, but they add up and can become especially annoying when you consider that this program is supposed to save you time.

I scoured the Internet trying to find corrected files, but with no success. I resolved to make my own and it is now ready for consumption. My file is primarily focused on correcting issues with journal article citations. If you find other issues, please let me know and I’ll do my best to correct them. I hope that this file will be of use to you. Click the link at the bottom of this post to download the citation file, compatible with Mac and PC. I use it on EndNote X5 and haven’t tested its compatibility with other versions of EndNote. If you use the file, I would really appreciate a comment below to let me know you used it and so I know my efforts in making this file were not in vain! 

When you download this file, go to your Program Files (PC) or Applications (Mac) folder, look for EndNote, and add this file to the Styles folder. Then open EndNote, go to the drop menu above for citation styles, and click Select Another Style. Then search for APA 6^th Revised Copy. You’re ready to go. If you use Cite While You Write, you’re going to want to check your settings in Word to make sure that the citation is in the APA 6^th Revised Copy format. (If all else fails, and you need to ditch EndNote and just need your citations to look right, check out some online sources that will help you manually write citations such as Purdue OWL's webpage.)

Enjoy! And please leave a comment on how the file is for to you!

Click here to download APA 6th Revised Copy Citation File.

Word and the Mirror

Hi all,

I've posted a sermon I preached back at New Horizon Christian Fellowship in Hillsborough, NJ last September. The theme for this message is "The Word and the Mirror". This message takes a study of James 1:22-27 and examines the relationship between the Christian believer and the Bible. Later on, I ran into For Self-Examination by Søren Kierkegaard that covered a similar concept, but in more existential terms. I can't say I've read the whole book, but the portions I did read were very interesting. If this concept of the Word-as-Mirror interests you, I recommend you check out that book. Please leave comments below, I'd love to hear from you.

Embedded video not working? Click this link to view or share: http://bit.ly/SerWandM

Bind us together, Lord

So there's a lot of buzz over the terms "religion" and "spirituality". It's not necessarily a new social conversation. It's at least 40-50 years old with the Jesus People movement and it's been going on ever since. I believe this has been going on as a correction to what many have experienced as "dead religion".

Let me qualify that.

Yes, religion has Latin roots in legare which means "to bind," but this doesn't carry the terrible connotation that many unfairly give it. The word "religion" starts with re having the connotation of "again". So what I believe to be a more proper interpretation of religion's etymological roots is that religion serves to bind us together as a community (horizontally) and to bind us together with God (vertically). If I say something like "I am bound to the Kurians" or "I belong to the Kurians" I don't speak as a slave. I say that something connects me to my family, I am responsible to them, and they are responsible to me. They care for me and I care for them. Something connects us.

Is my family perfect? No. I love them though. I wouldn't give up on them because they may have done this or that, just as I would hope that they wouldn't give up on me. There is unity there. Just because we see something bad doesn't mean we jump ship. We're bound through thick and thin. So this discussion that Jesus didn't come for religion (which apparently is characterized by only bad things) doesn't make sense. Jesus built a church after his resurrection (Matthew 16:18). That church is expressed through binding individuals to one another, with a focus on Christ. Call it want you want, but the unity found there is ontologically a religion.

Jesus didn't come to build a church that hurts people or for a church that disregards its commission to care for the poor. That would be a religion deviating from its intended design. These are our mistakes and we need to own up to them. So we continually work on them. But to say that Jesus didn't come to make a religion misses the point of what a religion is supposed to do--bind people in unity to one another and to God. And that's a bad thing?

Shouting about a new Christian spirituality like it's something new doesn't fix anything (Ecclesiastes 1:9). It divides. It spits on the tradition of 2000 years of Christians who have lived and died following Christ. What kind of hotshot are you to not listen to those that came before and might have an idea of what it's like to serve God in a world where people don't want to hear about Him? Are the rest of us in our churches completely missing what it's like to serve God? If the Church has been twiddling its thumbs for two millenia, then yeah, you might have a point.

But I'm going to venture that most churches are sincerely doing their best to follow Christ. Albeit imperfectly, but still trying. A church is supposed to be open to correction by Scripture and by those bound together as brothers and sisters. I'd be so bold to say that multiple denominations are helpful in this way by correcting one another from becoming too myopic and by being diverse enough to reach diverse populations. By removing yourself from religion, you've removed yourself from even wanting to be united in this conversation. And that helps who?

I follow Paul. I follow Apollos. I follow Cephas. I follow Christ. We were warned about this sort of division all throughout 1 Corinthians. This would be one of those times. We're not helping ourselves out by ragging on religion. We're shooting ourselves in the foot so we can make a loud noise for attention and we need to put the gun down. We're bleeding all over the place.

Not Quite According to Plan

In this Wednesday Night teaching, I explore some of the literary elements of the first three chapters of Matthew to illustrate how Jesus' life from the very beginning was already shaking the expected order. We explore how people had their plans on how things were supposed to go, and how Jesus had a different plan on how things were supposed to go. I've provided the one page handout for the class and the recording is embedded below. Because this is a Bible study, you may find it helpful to have the book of Matthew open in front of you. Biblegateway.com is  a website where you can find the Bible for free online in multiple versions. If you have an iPod Touch, iPhone, iPad, or Kindle, I can tell you of some free apps that work well.
For the handout, click here. For the recording, click here. Please let me know of any of your thoughts or reflections.

Merry Christmas!

Walking in an October Wonderland

This blog originally appeared in http://bit.ly/fllrkurian

Last weekend, I was in New Jersey for my brother’s engagement party and experienced one of the worst snow storms I can remember, and definitely the worst I can remember happening in October. It might seem counterintuitive, but I’d like to explain something to my Californian brothers and sisters:

Snow storms bring out people.

Not in the sense of having snowball fights or making snow angels, but in the sense of magnifying characteristics of people that are already present within the individual. Allow me to offer my anecdotal evidence.

At some point, I was driving my four cylinder, front wheel drive vehicle in a snow storm three other people in it uphill. Lovely. My vehicle got stuck in what I can best call a mudtrap from MXC (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge anyone?) I got out of my car, took off my suit, rolled up my sleeves and got to pushing as my mom went into the driver’s seat. Clearly I’m not going anywhere, but two cars behind me, a gentleman decides to give me some encouragement by honking his horn. Makes sense right? I’ll push harder now, thanks buddy.

Another man gets out of the car directly behind me and starts pushing. We’re still going nowhere. On the opposite side a man gets out of his car and starts giving us directions on which way for my mom to turn the wheel and when for us to push. He looks up and calls me aside and says “Look, tell the ladies in your car that if a tree falls down to stay in the car.”

“Why?” I ask

“Because if a power line falls, we’re all fried anyway. They’ll be safe in the car.”

Awesome. “Hey mom, if a tree falls, stay in the car.”

“Why?” said my mom already freaking out.

“JUST STAY IN THE CAR!” (Okay, not my best moment, but it felt necessary at the time. For the record, I don’t endorse yelling at your mother. But in a matter of mortality, I make an exception.)

In the meantime, some guys snapped branches on the fallen tree that blocked most of the road. Oh nice, the guy that honked a sound of encouragement has now just passed me. Oh thanks man, he gave me a thumb’s up.

Oh. Not his thumb.

One of the guys that helped me push the car ended up getting back in his car to get something…and left. This is getting better and better. Finally, two other guys showed up who I had to flag down and stand in the road to get. (It was me vs a Dodge Ram 3500. I think the only thing that stopped this guy was that he didn’t wanna get blood on his new chrome bumper.) They eventually got out of their car and pushed us up and out. I gave them all solid handshakes and went on my way, only to get stuck again about a mile away. But I’ll spare you that story.

The point is, I got to see different kinds of people come out in a snow storm and for those of you who have never experienced snow, perhaps you just did too. Some flip you off. Some push your car and then drive off when the road is cleared for them. Others will stay with you until the job is done, even if they don’t know you and there isn’t much incentive for them to help. And even more will stay in the safety of their homes, snuggled up by a fireplace wondering why anyone would be outside.

I didn’t know what kind of person I would be until I was in the snow storm. For the rest of the ride home, I’m trying to keep the tone of the car calm and collected with my cousin (thanks Hannah) as we wondered how my dad and brother were faring in their ride home in another car. It took us 90-120 minutes to get back home for what would have otherwise been a 20 minute ride.

When the four of us in my car got home, we were ecstatic to see my brother’s car on the street. Thank God, we all made it back. By the end of the trip, I drove under four power lines and got my car stuck twice. My brother luckily never got stuck (yay 4WD!), but had a similar experience with road closures and power lines and freaky, icy hills.

It could have ended very differently, but thank God it didn’t. And a lot of that had to do with the people that came out in the snow storm. My aunt and my mom praying for safe passage home, my cousin and I keeping the mood of the car calm, my brother and my dad calling to check up on us, the guy who pushed my car and left, the guys who ended up freeing my car, the man who warned us about the power lines, and maybe even the guy who gave me the bird.

It’s not a matter of whether we come out during snow storms. It’s just a matter of how.

This Christmas at home should be a blast.

Starry-Eyed Surprise

(This post originally appeared on my Fuller blog: http://shar.es/b54vE.)

Last night back in my Fuller housing complex, it was a pretty chilly night accompanied with a thick fog that rested over Los Angeles.  I was having trouble going to sleep, so I decided to sit down and look up to the sky and check out the stars. There’s only two problems with this.

1.       It’s LA.

2.       It’s a foggy night in LA.

Okay, so it doesn’t look like I’m going to have this romantic night with myself as I star gaze. But, I decided to look up to the sky anyway. I got distracted and started looking the trees above me. They were pretty to look at, but that presented another problem.

Trees ≠ stars.

Things are going great so far. But I was reminded of a trip I took a few months ago with some friends from my clinical psychology cohort and an MFT student (also a friend!). One night, we stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon and looked at the sky. I’m telling you, it made me think of God at creation like a little girl in pig tails armed with black construction paper, a glue stick, and a gigantic bag of glitter. God in his capricious creativity threw a bunch of glitter in the sky because God thought it was pretty and liked shiny things. I couldn’t agree more, great Creator of the Universe.

I missed those stars last night. But I knew I’d never see those stars unless I kept looking up. I wouldn’t see them if I stared at the trees. But you wanna know what was the most frustrating part? No matter how hard I squinted, no matter how high I jumped, no matter how badly I wanted to break into the roof access of nearby buildings after midnight, none of that would have helped me see those stars.

Some nights we see the stars. Other nights we don’t.

Some nights we look up and see the stars. Other times we can try as hard as we want to and we still won’t.

But I’m still counting for at least a star or two to break through the sheath of the LA sky. And when those stars are ready to shine again, my eyes will be waiting and I’ll greet them with a short smile. Good to see you again, stars. I knew you’d be back.

Ants on a Kitchen Counter

So it's been a while since I've posted anything. There's still a few more classes from Prayer Through the Ages, which I'm hoping to post soon. I got swamped on research papers at the end of the summer quarter at Fuller. Now we've started the fall quarter without much of a breather. I'm hoping to get those recordings up soon.

But in the meantime, I'd like to share a reflection I wrote about an otherwise insipid event in my life regarding an ant and a piece of food. I wrote this for my Systematic Theology I class, and I hope that it can be at least some fun reading for you.

I was cleaning my kitchen yesterday and found that there was an ant surrounding a morsel of food. For one reason or another, I hesitated to kill this ant as I usually would for intruding my cooking space. But instead I watched as this ant attempted to clamp its pincers into the food and drag it away. From my vantage point, this appeared as a feeble endeavor as the morsel was significantly larger than the ant itself but amused by the effort, I continued spectating.

Sure enough, the ant grasped the morsel and dragged the food. At times it would lose its grip, drop the food, and then attempt to drag the morsel once more. I found myself converting from a potential insect killer to an encouraging insect supporter. The cycle of dropping the food and grasping it again continued for some time. Eventually, I had to withdraw from my kitchen and retreat to class. Though I don’t know what happened to the ant and the morsel, I do know I saw neither of them when I returned.

This otherwise normal occurrence in kitchens throughout the world left me with a strange notion: could this be how those in the cosmos view my life? Are there forces that would rather squash my attempts marking them as feeble trials not worth the effort, perhaps irritated by my existence? Are there forces that cheer my cause as they champion my small efforts, perhaps even entertained by them? Surely my life cannot be as grand as I make it out to be.

In my own life, I validate my efforts as important: earning a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology, researching with colleagues and scholars, worship leading at a church, even cleaning my apartment. But what if all that I am doing is equitable to a morsel of leftover food on a kitchen counter? Perhaps it would be better if a large hand from the cosmos were to squash my efforts and end the charade that my existence and efforts mean much of anything.

But what if instead there is a compassionate hand hovering over my culture and context on a kitchen counter? What if this hand is watching my every move, encouraging me to pick up the morsel? What if, even though I drop the morsel, the hand doesn’t give up on me and watches me attempt once more? What if my efforts bring pleasure to those powers just by existing and that my utility is not what gives me worth, but my action in existence?

In that moment I shared with the ant, in some sense of the word, I loved that ant. My desire was for its success and to see it take the morsel it desired. Then it dawned upon me—I didn’t create the ant and I still loved it. How much more would the creator of the ant be invested in the ant’s well being and success?

Though I shared this moment with the ant, it was as if God was sharing a moment with me. God watches my efforts. God loves me as I make efforts. God is pleased, and even entertained by my efforts; not in a way that is demeaning but in one that elicits joy. God has great power over my life, but chooses compassion over retaliation. The compassion doesn’t have to make sense—it is a choice informed by love for those of us making our feeble efforts as ants on a kitchen counter.

Devotio Moderna - Affective Meditation on the Cross

Wow! Today's class was definitely one of the more emotionally testing ones. Today, we learned about Gerard Groote and his influence on Christianity in the 14th century via Devotio Moderna. This man called clergy from being lukewarm to devotion to God about 200 years before Luther sparked the Reformation. In the practice of Affective Meditation of the Cross, we reflect on Jesus Christ as he is nailed on the cross, suffering for our behalf. As we pray we imagine ourselves at the foot of the cross and experience that life changing moment in this prayer. To check out the recording for this class and the accompanying handout click this link: Prayer Through the Ages and look for Lesson 3 - Devotio Moderna.

Prayer Through the Ages - Jesus Prayer

Today, the series focused on the Jesus Prayer. It has its origins from two gospel accounts and was first documented to be used in the fourth century. Today, it is predominately practiced Eastern Orthodox churches, though some Roman Catholic churches practice it as well. With a prayer in waves of saying variations of the phrase, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner", we engage in an understanding that we are in the need of a God who loves us and desires for us to be better as we strive to be more like our Creator. We discuss practical considerations of the prayer and discuss what it was like to pray the prayer. Click the following link for a recording of today's class and today's handout: Prayer through the Ages.

Thanks! I'd love to hear your comments below.

Prayer Through the Ages - Lectio Divina

Last Wednesday, August 10 was my first class in a series entitled "Prayer through the Ages". In this series, we take a close look some of the ancient prayer practices of Christianity, study its history, learn how to practice the prayer form, pray the practice together, and discuss it. This week covered the Benedictine practice of Lectio Divina (holy reading). This practice incorporates moments of silence in prayer with one passage of scripture read three times in waves of silence, with each wave with a particular focus. Personally, I've found this prayer practice to be enriching in my faith and my relationship with God. I hope this practice can be of use to you as well.

For a recording of the class and the accompanying handout, check out the following link: Prayer through the Ages. This link will take you to my Google Docs page that hosts the files that are available to either view online or to download. The class was recorded at Full Gospel Church in Livingston, NJ. A special thank you goes to Dr. Lyle Paul Jensen of Fuller Theological Seminary for teaching the course that this class was modeled after. His book Subversive Spirituality: Transforming Mission through the Collapse of Space and Time has some excellent material on ancient prayer practices from Judaism to the early Church to the present-day Church and how our perceptions of time and culture have informed prayer practices.

Please let me know your thoughts or if you use any of the materials. I'd be glad to hear from you!

At the King's Table

Hi all!

It's been about a year since I've posted anything on my blog, so I'm sorry about that! I've spent the last year in Pasadena, CA at Fuller Theological Seminary. After completing my first year of six in Fuller's Ph.D. of Clinical Psychology program, I have to say it feels pretty good!

But onto the point: if you were unable to attend Full Gospel Church this Sunday, my sermon is available for your listening on www.livingstonfullgospel.com. Click the "Sermons" tab on the left and look for the mp3, playable from the webpage. It is entitled, "Rev. Kevin R. Kurian - At the King's Table". It was such a pleasure to deliver and I pray that it is a blessing to you.

The sermon is about the crippled grandson of King Saul in the presence of the new king, King David. The text for the sermon comes from 2 Samuel 9. What we see in this narrative is the graciousness of a king taking a person who some called a "dead dog" and instead called him "son". While David is long gone, we still have a chance for those of us who see ourselves as nothing and be restored by the work of another gracious king - Jesus.

This sermon will be posted on the Full Gospel webpage. Once it is removed from the webpage, I will put a link of my own on this blog so that you can listen to it. Also, be on the lookout for my Summer class that will be made available online! I will be teaching a class entitled "Prayer through the Ages". Through this class, I will be going through a historical survey of prayer practices in Christianity, following the saints of the faith. We will discuss the history of one practice, pray the practice together, and discuss it. About halfway through, there will be a musical worship service that will not be recorded and then the class will resume. Likely, this class will conclude with a survey of prayer practices in Judaism and Islam. As a worship researcher at Fuller, a pastor, more importantly a child of God, prayer and worship is extremely important to me. I hope this upcoming summer class can be a time of refreshment and connection with God.

And with that, enjoy this Sunday's message on www.livingstonfullgospel.com! I'd love to hear your comments.

The Life of King Hezekiah, Lesson 4

For the past month, we've explored the life of King Hezekiah as he called on God during an impending invasion of the Assyrian Empire. God defended his city, for the sake of his name, which was challenged by the Assyrian King Sennacherib. If you've been a part of the class or know the story, you'll remember how miraculously God saved Jerusalem.

In this last lesson, we study the last recorded events of Hezekiah's life. Sadly, his end isn't as wonderful as earlier stories of his life. Pride got a hold of Hezekiah, and his descendents paid for it. When envoys from Babylon came to see what God had done, Hezekiah showed off his own wealth instead. Isaiah prophesied that Babylon would take Jerusalem, generations after Hezekiah. The last words of this man recorded in the Bible give me chills, "The word of the Lord you have spoken is good. Will there not be peace and security in my lifetime?" (2 Kings 20:19, NIV)

This last lesson also BRIEFLY covers what occurs after Hezekiah's lifetime and how peace and security were not present for most of his descendents. But luckily for us, Jesus Christ redeems this story as a descendent of King Hezekiah. While Hezekiah's faithfulness in his life truly is a marvel of the Bible, his wavering moments might appear as a mirror for us in our lives. Let's look at Hezekiah's life for its awe-inspiring moments and its warnings. God blessed Hezekiah's life, but also gave him challenges. But just as God was with him, God is with us.


*Note: There are no maps or images for this lesson. The recap comes from the Lesson 3 Maps PowerPoint.

The Life of King Hezekiah, Lesson 3

For the past two weeks, we've looked at the life of King Hezekiah as he has called his nation back to God and was threatened by a strong enemy empire. This week, we explore what happened in the encounter between King Hezekiah and Sennacherib. The hand of God was undeniable in this event in history, as evidenced by the Bible and even records accounted by the Assyrians themselves. The Bible we believe in is real--its truth is all around us. Hezekiah prayed and God defended his city, for His own namesake. If you look at that map of the Assyrian empire in the PowerPoint slides, you'll know God was present in this fight.

Next week, this study on the life of King Hezekiah will conclude with a study of Hezekiah's illness close to his death and how God was with him through it all. Sennacherib is out of the picture here, so this class may have a different feel to it. If you have any questions or comments over this week's lesson or next week's to come, feel free to leave a comment.

The Life of King Hezekiah, Lesson 2

We had our second class yesterday on Wednesday, August 18th on the Life of King Hezekiah. In this class, we discussed the preparations King Hezekiah made to protect his land from what seemed to be a imminent painful destruction. But King Hezekiah was no fool. The man prayed and prepared. In this lesson, we discuss the preparations King Hezekiah took, some of which can still be seen today.

In the life of this man, we see a king who fought against impossible odds, but still had faith. I think this verse says it all in 2 Chronicles 32:8, "With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles." (NIV)

Again, if you have any comments or questions feel free to leave them in the comments space below. I'll do my best to answer them here or in the next teaching. If you'd like to see the powerpoints, view the handout, and/or listen to the teaching, click the folder below for this week's lesson and last week's lesson.

The Life of King Hezekiah

This entry isn't necessarily a blog, but really just to give you a chance to listen to a bible study I'm conducting at Full Gospel Church in Livingston, NJ. It's on Wednesday Nights from 7:15-8:15pm, with my lesson being roughly a half hour. Since most of you who read this blog are not in the immediate area, I'd like to give you a chance to participate in this class if you're interested in hearing my teaching.

This class is on the Life of King Hezekiah. His life is accounted in 2 Chronicles 29-32, 2 Kings 18-20, and Isaiah 36-38. King Hezekiah doesn't traditionally get much attention in Christian circles because, well, he's not usually considered on of the heavy hitters like Paul, David, Joseph, Moses, Abraham, etc. But I will tell you this--this man made an impact on my life and I hope to share his life with you. He inherited a land that had fallen away from God while an enemy empire threatens his nation from the outside while he's trying to save it from the inside. This man is a man of prayer, wisdom, and military prowess. And he's a man I look up to. I hope after hearing the lessons you can see why.

If you're interested in following this series on "The Life of King Hezekiah", it will be updated weekly on the link at the end of this entry. Just click the folder and download the audio recording with supplemental PowerPoint slides and worksheets. If you have any questions while listening, feel free to write them as comments to this blog and I'll do my best to answer them in the next recording or I'll comment right on to the page.

Thanks, and I hope you enjoy "The Life of King Hezekiah".

Love Like There's No Tomorrow

If I knew what it was I actually wanted, I'd tell you. Heck, I'd tell me! I have a few ideas, but each is layered in its complexities on how they would actually be carried out. I suppose the uncertainty of the future is part of what actually makes the process of living a challenge. Whether that challenge is embraced or resisted is another matter. I know living is what I want to do. It's just a matter of how I actually do it.

During this odd transitional stage of life, going from an undergraduate school to a graduate school, moving from my hometown to an apartment far from home, turning 21 in under a month, I can't help but wonder, "Am I going in the right direction?" Am I neglecting aspects of my life for other desirable aspects? Are these choices sound? There comes a point where you or I could torture ourselves on the legitimacy or efficacy of our choices. I wouldn't question the usefulness of self-examination. If life continues, it's worth examining the past for insight. However, there does come a point where one must choose a course and see it through.

I have heard it frequently said that time is not guaranteed and that we need to live as though tomorrow will never come. I like the sound of it, but it simultaneously disturbs me. I can't possibly do everything I want to do in a day. Such a task would cause me great anxiety. While I suppose the spirit of the idea of "live like there is no tomorrow" is that we do what it is we really want to do and identify what it is we really want in life.

Well, in response I have to say that hardly seems fair! Am I supposed to pick one thing? What if I love more than one thing? Take for example my move to graduate school. I happen to love my family very much. Life in New Jersey is pretty good. Yet, I also love the idea of pursuing higher education in psychology and theology. However, to do this effectively, I need to move across the United States. If I live like there's no tomorrow, I would surely stay at home. What purpose would study of psychology and theology serve if I could never use it the next day (assuming tomorrow never came)? Instead, I would be able to enjoy my last moments with the family I love. If I lived like there was no tomorrow, I would have shown by my action that I chose graduate school over my family. However, the very fact that I will choose to leave the family I love to go across the country for six years is contingent on the fact that I also live for tomorrow. Again, why would I bother in the toil of educating myself if tomorrow will never come?

If I lived as though tomorrow never came, my action to go to graduate school would show rejection to my family of origin. Luckily, love is not restricted to temporal 24 hour segments. It reaches over time and regions. Our actions are limited by time and space, meaning choices will have to be made on how we express love. Therefore, while I must live with a hope for tomorrow, I choose to love like there's no tomorrow. While I can't hug my mom in the morning when I see her while I'm studying in California, I can call her and tell her I love her. If by some unfortunate circumstance, I lost my mother, sadness would overwhelm me, but I would know that I loved her like there was no tomorrow.

I can't stay at home because I have to live like there's not tomorrow. I have to keep moving. And so do you. I'm not sure what choices to make and I wouldn't dare to presume they are easy. But nonetheless, they are choices you do have to make. Because of the limitations of time and space, no choice can actually be perfect. We choose the best we can, and live from there. But we must continue to love. When I wrote in my journal earlier today, I was struck by the words of King Solomon from c.935BC in Ecclesiastes 3:1-15. It's amazes me how his wisdom and Godly insight still speaks to me. I hope they speak to you too. This translation comes from the NIV.

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.

May you be blessed in the time God has given you. Live like there is a tomorrow, but love like there is no tomorrow.

"Pray through"?! Pray through What?

I'd like to think of myself as a good Christian. I mean, I don't mean to sound self-righteous or anything, but I do take my faith seriously. I'm proud to be follower of Christ, and though I may not always be the best at it, I am glad to be here.

In part of being a faithful Christian, I believe prayer is something that's very important. Everything I gather from scripture seems to support this notion that God wants to hear our prayers and will in fact lend an ear to listen. It's really humbling to think that the Creator of all things actually wants to listen to prayers. Not something that would be on the top of my list if I was omnipotent, but whatever, I'm not God. I'm just glad that He does.

There's great commentary by theologians like Simon Chan, Karl Barth, and Phillip Yancey on prayer. I feel like Jürgen Moltmann's got stuff too. But since this is a blog and not a theology paper, you're not really gonna see any of their comments here. If you're interested, just let me know and maybe I'll comment on my blog about what they have to say about prayer.

So I think about the idea that I'm supposed to give my burdens to God. It sounds really good, and it has helped me before. This week, I did just that. I offered God the things of this life that really weigh me down in prayer. The only problem was that when I prayed, I actually felt worse. Hmm. Something doesn't seem right about that. I think of songs like "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" which the next line says "all our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer". Great song. It's a classic. I recommend it. Good memories too. For whatever reason, I liked when my mom sang it when I was growing up. Pretty voice, really.

Anyway, back to the point. If you check out the lyrics for the rest of the song, it goes on that same theme that God can take our burdens from us in prayer. The song is one of encouragement to other believers. I'm all for it. Then I think of an older hymn "Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus". Great lyrics on this one. Really. I highly recommend checking this one out too. Some lines include: "just to take him at His word, just to rest upon His promise, and to know 'Thus saith the Lord'" and "I'm so glad I learned to trust thee"

All of this sounds great. And personally, while they may be older songs, I like to sing them. They carry a nice tune, connect me to my Christian heritage and other denominations, and have great lyrics that are saturated with faith statements.

Yet, I ran into a problem this week. How is it that I can pray and actually feel WORSE than when I started? And when I mean worse, I mean like having to stop praying because I'm thinking of everything else that bugs me which makes me exhausted and then I have to stop and go right to sleep at 11pm. Now to some of you, that might seem healthy, but I'm a college student. Going to bed at 2am is just what I do. If the aforementioned songs and scriptures are true, what am I missing? I mean, I'm supposed to pray, right? I can't just ignore what comes onto my heart to pray about. Ultimately, I came down to a couple of possible conclusions. 1. Prayer is fake. 2. I'm not effectively praying. 3. God wants me to carry my burdens.

Now as for #1, I have to be honest with you. I'm a Christian who believes in prayer, even with the difficult week. I've had past experiences that seems to support its efficacy as well as the testimony of others and the accounts of Scripture. If we're gonna take this one, I think we also have to challenge the existence of God and the legitimacy of his Word because of its support for prayer. Believe me, I'm not trying to brush that discussion under the rug--it's just not the focus of this blog. For the purposes of this discussion, I'm presupposing that God exists and he does want to hear the prayers of all people as he says in his Word. Sorry if that assumes too much for some readers.

#2 poses an interesting question. How do I know if I'm effectively praying? Well, I compartmentalize all day, and then when it's the end of the day and I'm doing homework, all of the things that I haven't thought about catch up with me. Being that I really don't feel like talking about it to anyone (that's healthy for someone who wants to be a psychologist, right? I promise, I'm getting better at this.), God seems like a great candidate. After all, if I believe he's always there and willing to listen to my prayers, he'd be able to listen to my problems, right?

For this question, two dear friends of mine had some short, but meaningful things to say about it. Both of the ideas were not mine, so please don't give me credit for them. The first one came from a friend of mine who said she established a relationship with a relative that was based on communication over all the things that went wrong during her time in college. After a while, she caught how her relationship was being defined by this negative form of communication and took measures to change it. Both parties were much happier when communication expanded in this way.

Another friend of mine mentioned how a friend of his would frequently vent to him over problems and afterwards they were able to pray together about it. Through this, he said that his friend was able to lay out everything on the table to a tangible living force (in this case, my friend). After that had been done, some release had been made because of the immediate feedback, whether it would be advice or just a simple affirmation of listening to his friend's needs. From there, prayer seemed easier because the issues had already been laid out and God was listening to it all anyway. The community of believers expressed through this friendship helped that person effectively pray. This person was not lost in the circumstance because the circumstance was well enumerated to another person. After that, it was just a matter of asking God for support and guidance.

Both of these stories press the importance of communication. I tried these tips this morning. I prayed while in bed, "God, thanks for today. I'm glad I woke up at a reasonable time and that I'm able to move." It was simple, but let me tell you--it really set my day differently. I wasn't thinking about how my next prayer was going to be this cathartic expression. Rather, any heavy prayers would just flow right along with the light hearted thank you's.

And let me add this. If you're a private person like me (Please don't laugh! I know I'm posting publicly on a blog, but this does have a purpose. I really don't think entries like this are for me.), you don't have to mention what's actually bugging you. Today, I talked to a couple of people about how I was having a tough time praying. Just hearing other people telling me that they had tough times too or were currently going through them helped me. I didn't feel alone when I opened up to the community. This didn't mean that I was asking them what they were going through and they didn't ask me. And honestly, that was enough.

Back to the list. #3 - God wants me to bear the burdens. Listen, you are not going to hear Gustavo Gutierrez's liberation theology or Jimmy Swaggart's prosperity gospel from me. What, did Jesus die on a cross because he didn't have enough faith. Give me a break. I'm a firm believer of 1 Peter 4:12-13. "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

Okay, I realize this may make me sound pessimistic or too much like an existential therapist who assumes anxiety is a part of life that can never actually be removed. (by the way, I'm not hating on existential therapists. I think you guys are great.) However, I also believe in the words Jesus spoke in John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." So it may be very possible that God is asking me to carry these burdens. However, the key thing here is that God is not asking me to carry these burdens alone. That's a distinct difference. As a Christian, I should believe that God is in control, but not to the point that I should expect God to kiss my boo-boo and make "evweything all betta". This life is work. The scriptures don't joke about it. This earth is not heaven. Everything will be justified in heaven and made right in that existence. But for now, I'm here in an imperfect world with imperfect people.

And this made me think really hard. In these prayers, what was it that I was REALLY looking for. For that kiss? For God to prophecy into my heart and tell me what was going to be the end result of my prayer? If He did, would I even believe Him? I don't know what to say about that, except that I needed to look hard into myself and my goals of prayer.

And this is where I'll bring in Phillip Yancey. At least I think Yancey said something about this. Either way, what I'm trying to say is prayer doesn't function for us to change the will of God--it's to align us with his will. To change our hearts to line up better with His. Reflecting on the Lord's Prayer, it's "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" It's not my kingdom and not my will. I'm asking for God's when I pray this prayer. Though you or I may be in hard times, our prayer is to ask for God's will to be done and believe that it will be so, even if it is not our will.

For those of you who made it to the end of this blog, thanks. I hope that you take something good from this. I wrote this because I know a common Christian response for hard times is to "just pray through" when something is bothering you. But what if prayer is actually the problem, as it was for me earlier this week? I'm asking tough questions for those who aren't sure if it's safe to ask them. Frankly, I'm at a point where I know I'm not the only one who has wrestled with this, so if it's not safe, too bad.

As for me, I learned that I need to accept that God is sovereign over what is happening in my life. He has made the events of my life occur for a purpose. He does love me, and will allow me to go through suffering. He didn't spare His only Son from it. I really shouldn't expect a perfect life just yet. But because my God loves me like crazy, he'll listen to my moans and groans. He'll be there with me through it all. And best of all, he's not someone who just passively listens and can only tell you that he's sorry for you. Our God is capable of action. Remember, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Passion in Hope

So I went to bed at about 2AM on Sunday, excited to go to church for the first time in almost a month. I had been preaching at other places, so I hadn't had the chance to go to my church in Lakeland for quite a while. I went to sleep thinking I'd wear something nice in the daytime. A lavender shirt, a Florentine tie, my new Express pinstripe pants, and my polished black shoes. I was too tired to iron my shirt and tie my tie that night, so I figured I'd just do it in the morning. Wake up at 8:30AM, catch that Chartwells breakfast, get to ironing, get to tying, and get to driving.

To be fair, I woke up at 8:30AM, except that I figured I could just make oatmeal in my house. With that decided, I went back to sleep. The only problem was, I woke up at 10:17AM thanks to my brother's random text and I was still in my pajamas. Church started in under 45 minutes and took about 20 minutes to get to. I told myself, I'm a college student. Plenty of college students (let alone church-going college students) miss out on church. I'd be fine.

The only problem was, I couldn't go back to sleep in that mindset. So, I got up about five minutes later, brushed my teeth, and took a much needed shower. For whatever reason, I didn't feel rushed. This is rather strange considering just the night before, I was excited to get to church. Not only that, if this had been a class I was late to or a presentation I needed to get to, I know I would have been moving much faster.

Well, it's 11AM and I still need to iron my shirt. No biggie. I'm already late anyway, might as well take my time. So I have a banana. (This is going well, can you tell?) Now that the shirt is done, it's time to get this tie going. Except for the life of me, I couldn't get it done right. 15 minutes go by with the tie either being too short, or too long, or just looking funny. Finally I head out the door and make it into church by 11:40AM.

The drive over wasn't much fun. I took Polk Parkway and sacrificed $1.00 to do it. The whole time I'm thinking, "If I was as excited as I said I was, why wasn't my shirt ironed and my tie tied yesterday?" Other questions buzzed in my head, "If I was preaching this morning, would I really have taken this much time? If I was leading a Sunday school class? What if it was for a college class?" Every answer was no.

I finally make it to church and I've missed worship and all of the announcements. Great. Hope the sermon goes well. Turns out it does. Very simple and to the point. Something about not wasting our lives. Now, I have to be fair here, but I also wanna be transparent: I loved the message, but sometimes when my head isn't in it I can get lost in grammatical errors and allusions to scripture. All in all though, I felt like he had a lot of great things to say.

Well, the preacher says that he's done but now it's time to allow the Holy Ghost to work. I knew what this meant. I grew up in a Pentecostal, Assemblies of God home. This meant people were free to leave as they pleased and that there would be no formal dismissal. No problem, you won't get any complaint out of me.

But for one of the few times in my life I realized something--there's no one holding me here. I have no meeting to get to, no kids to pick up, no wife that needs to do something, no parents to take care of things with. It's just me here. If I want to leave, I can. If I want to stay I can.

So I decide to stay. It's about 12:45pm at this point. I figure, if I head out at like 1:20pm, I can still make it to the campus restaurant and not have to buy myself lunch. Okay Lord, let's see what I'm here for. I figure if I felt bothered enough to still go to church knowing I was going to be late, something had to be in store for me.

Yet, I sat there and felt nothing. I looked around and saw people praying, crying, holding each other--but I felt nothing. This was strange to me. Cognitively, I knew that the Holy Spirit is still living and active. In fact, I felt that I could discern that was occurring in front of me was legitimately spiritual. Except, I felt no emotional tug. This concerned me heavily. So I closed my eyes and sang along with whatever the worship team was singing. "How Great is Our God" I think. In that moment, I knew something was off.

I could sing the words without hesitation. I earnestly believe my God is great. I believe that His holy scriptures are true. I believe that the Holy Spirit can still do miracles. In fact, some were happening right in front of me. And yet, I felt no emotional tug. What was wrong with me? I wanted to have the joy of the Spirit like I saw some around me. I wanted to cry in the beauty of what was around me. And yet, nothing!

I sat there and thought, what is my motivation for being here in this moment? I realized it was obedience. I felt that God wanted me there because he had my attention. I still had no idea what I was supposed to get out of all of this, but still I figured, it couldn't hurt to stay for a little while longer...except that it's now 1:45pm. Well, looks like I'm missing out on lunch with the snow birds in my cafeteria. Taco Bell anyone? Maybe I'd treat myself to a chalupa. Sub-beans of course. :)

Anyway, I sat there thinking, "there's gotta be something more here." In a quiet voice, I asked God for hope. Hope that my life would turn out okay. That despite the challenges in store, God would see me through. And then I realized something--this is a pretty consistent prayer of mine. Has God been reduced to a wish-granter in my life? When I was just about to seal the bag that made me feel like crap, I felt God say to me, "Passion comes when you hope to see the things I can do."

And then it hit me: Why are the people around me so emotionally aroused in the Spirit? It's because there's hope that the God they believe in, the Spirit they put their trust in, has the capacity to change lives in the ways he promises he can change them. And in some point, I had lost it. Not that I had fallen away, and not that I didn't believe. I preached a message of hope to hundreds these past few months, yet did it because I cognitively knew this is what the Scripture teach. I believed it to be so without hesitation. Yet in my heart of hearts, I had lost the hope for God's plan in my life.

That's a difficult thing to say, and quite honestly, it's embarrassing to see on the screen. Yet, I mention this because some of you reading this have felt exactly what I have felt. Seeing faith and hope as something that's good for everyone else, but just not applicable to the circumstances of your life. Maybe it's something you should have, or maybe it's something you can get a better grasp of when things start turning up.

God's Spirit isn't done with you yet. Even if you are. I found out that my motivations for serving God were getting lost in the serving--writing sermons, teaching classes, etc. With that, my passions were in the wrong place. My passion is to be found in be belief that lives can be changed with the truth that God has shared with all of us. It's not shared in a moment, but by ongoing interactions with a Spirit who can't keep his hands off of us.

So where does this all begin?

The passion for change is found in the hope that change is possible.